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Is your glass half empty or half full? Do you believe that life is what you make of it? Should a person's reach exceed their grasp? I guess I'm having a bit of an existential crisis here!
Somehow I fondly imagined that once I retired, I'd be able to pretty much please myself about how I spent my time. I pictured myself using my "smart" library card to avail myself of the services of the university libraries, doing some interesting research, writing a book or two... I remember telling someone at a retirement preparation course that I wanted to step across to the other side of the reference desk and be the client instead of the librarian, to pursue my own research interests rather than someone else's.
I also envisioned absorbing plenty of culture ... visiting museums and art galleries, attending plays and movies and concerts, reading, traveling, seeing my friends ... and not having to limit myself to doing these things in the evenings and on weekends and holidays, when everyone else has the same idea and the venues are crowded.
In fairness, I HAVE managed to engage to a decent extent in the kinds of cultural activities I just mentioned, COVID and convoys notwithstanding. I still think retiring when I did was one of the smartest decisions I've made in my entire life. Even so, more than 13 years into retired life, I find myself a bit dissatisfied and disheartened with the trajectory my retirement years are taking.
The main thing is that I still don't really feel my time is my own. As a retired couple, the two of us have sort of fallen into a certain routine and division of labour and I guess that's fine up to a point. My partner mostly looks after food preparation, although I do do a bit of baking here and there. I look after laundry and manage household bills and such. I try to keep our stuff organized in such a way that it's accessible to both of us and we both know where to find things when we need or want them.
My partner embarks on a lot of projects: gardening, putting up and monitoring solar panels, participating in Centre For Inquiry Canada (CFIC) activities (this last one mostly through Zoom or other online meetings) but is rarely out of the house for any length of time. And that's a bit of a problem for me, because I tend to do best with blocks of uninterrupted time. I also like stuff that is real and tangible and generally prefer analogue over digital.
I'd like to get out on my own more. I'd like to have a day away, even just once a month or so, when I'd just do as I pleased - a bit of shopping, a bit of looking around a museum, grabbing lunch at whatever time or place the mood took me, wandering through a park, whatever. I'd also like a day or two of home-alone time every week or every month. Even if it wasn't a full day, if I at least knew that I could count on my partner being out at some regularly scheduled activity once a week or once a fortnight, I could plan my time much better. Any time I travel somewhere on my own, I find it's a real luxury to be able to plan what I want to do over a span of a few days.
The thing is that there's a tacit assumption - more on my partner's part than mine, perhaps - that if I DON'T have anything definite scheduled, we will be doing almost EVERYTHING together. Eating the same thing at the same time for three meals a day, going for our daily walk together at 2PM after the mail has arrived, watching the same shows on TV. I'd prefer, at least on weekdays, to maybe fend for myself for breakfast and lunch (unless it involves a special meal of some sort) and just have supper together. Otherwise, I tend to feel stifled and overpowered.
To be clear, I think it's good for couples to have some common interests and activities as well as independent ones. We're luckier than many people I know in that neither of us is an invalid in need of a full-time caregiver. I think we should take advantage of that while we still can, while we're both still reasonably healthy, because life is short.
We both need to progress with decluttering and home renovation and succession planning and serious stuff like that. We all have responsibilities. We all need to feel we're making a difference in the world, however small. But I still want to please myself a lot and enjoy the day-to-day pleasures. And I still want to check a few more things off my bucket list.
Selfish? Maybe. But if I can't be a bit selfish at this stage in my life, then when will that even be possible?
Somehow I fondly imagined that once I retired, I'd be able to pretty much please myself about how I spent my time. I pictured myself using my "smart" library card to avail myself of the services of the university libraries, doing some interesting research, writing a book or two... I remember telling someone at a retirement preparation course that I wanted to step across to the other side of the reference desk and be the client instead of the librarian, to pursue my own research interests rather than someone else's.
I also envisioned absorbing plenty of culture ... visiting museums and art galleries, attending plays and movies and concerts, reading, traveling, seeing my friends ... and not having to limit myself to doing these things in the evenings and on weekends and holidays, when everyone else has the same idea and the venues are crowded.
In fairness, I HAVE managed to engage to a decent extent in the kinds of cultural activities I just mentioned, COVID and convoys notwithstanding. I still think retiring when I did was one of the smartest decisions I've made in my entire life. Even so, more than 13 years into retired life, I find myself a bit dissatisfied and disheartened with the trajectory my retirement years are taking.
The main thing is that I still don't really feel my time is my own. As a retired couple, the two of us have sort of fallen into a certain routine and division of labour and I guess that's fine up to a point. My partner mostly looks after food preparation, although I do do a bit of baking here and there. I look after laundry and manage household bills and such. I try to keep our stuff organized in such a way that it's accessible to both of us and we both know where to find things when we need or want them.
My partner embarks on a lot of projects: gardening, putting up and monitoring solar panels, participating in Centre For Inquiry Canada (CFIC) activities (this last one mostly through Zoom or other online meetings) but is rarely out of the house for any length of time. And that's a bit of a problem for me, because I tend to do best with blocks of uninterrupted time. I also like stuff that is real and tangible and generally prefer analogue over digital.
I'd like to get out on my own more. I'd like to have a day away, even just once a month or so, when I'd just do as I pleased - a bit of shopping, a bit of looking around a museum, grabbing lunch at whatever time or place the mood took me, wandering through a park, whatever. I'd also like a day or two of home-alone time every week or every month. Even if it wasn't a full day, if I at least knew that I could count on my partner being out at some regularly scheduled activity once a week or once a fortnight, I could plan my time much better. Any time I travel somewhere on my own, I find it's a real luxury to be able to plan what I want to do over a span of a few days.
The thing is that there's a tacit assumption - more on my partner's part than mine, perhaps - that if I DON'T have anything definite scheduled, we will be doing almost EVERYTHING together. Eating the same thing at the same time for three meals a day, going for our daily walk together at 2PM after the mail has arrived, watching the same shows on TV. I'd prefer, at least on weekdays, to maybe fend for myself for breakfast and lunch (unless it involves a special meal of some sort) and just have supper together. Otherwise, I tend to feel stifled and overpowered.
To be clear, I think it's good for couples to have some common interests and activities as well as independent ones. We're luckier than many people I know in that neither of us is an invalid in need of a full-time caregiver. I think we should take advantage of that while we still can, while we're both still reasonably healthy, because life is short.
We both need to progress with decluttering and home renovation and succession planning and serious stuff like that. We all have responsibilities. We all need to feel we're making a difference in the world, however small. But I still want to please myself a lot and enjoy the day-to-day pleasures. And I still want to check a few more things off my bucket list.
Selfish? Maybe. But if I can't be a bit selfish at this stage in my life, then when will that even be possible?
