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This week's donation goes to Circles of Support and Accountability (Ottawa):
https://cosa-ottawa.ca/
Family dynamics, for better or worse, are inevitably magnified in times of lockdown. In past weeks, some of my donations have been directed to shelters for women fleeing intimate partner violence. And sadly, there will always be a need for such facilities. I have very little confidence that someone like Basil Borutski, Russell Williams or Paul Bernardo can be rehabilitated: where there's no will on the part of the perpetrator, there's no way. Still, if we simply lock these people up and throw away the key, we are not solving the problem. Rather, we are putting out the immediate fire without doing anything that is future-oriented, like fireproofing and practising sensible fire prevention procedures.
Moreover, it raises the question of why it's the innocent victims whose lives should be disrupted. Why should they have to leave the family home, go on social assistance, move to a new neighbourhood, send the kids to a new school and abandon or re-home their pets? Would it not be far better for both perpetrator and victim, as well as for society as a whole, if the abusive partner could learn to live his life and make decisions and choices that do not involve violence?
Four years ago, the film A Better Man was released:
https://abettermanfilm.com/
In it, filmmaker Attiya Khan revisits various locations in Ottawa with Steve, her former partner. The idea behind the project is that if Steve is willing to revisit scenes of his past violence and own up to his behaviour, he will take the first step towards becoming a better man and both of them, though separately, can more easily get on with their lives.
Did it work? Maybe.
If nothing else, the film was widely distributed and sparked some important conversations around the intractable social problem of male violence. There were some high-profile people like Sarah Polley involved in the project. I think it probably convinced many folk that new approaches are needed.
And yet. "Steve" remains anonymous, unless you happen to have encountered him. Attiya STILL celebrates anniversaries of being free of him. I really would have liked to know a little more about what each of them is doing now and what impact the experience all those years ago is having on their day-to-day lives today. And what of their children? Are they being raised in a nonsexist, nonviolent environment but still being sensitized to the problem in an age-appropriate way?
I've read a few reviews of the film and rather liked this one from the New Yorker:
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/after-abuse-the-possibility-of-a-better-man
There are others, some of which you can find on the Rotten Tomatoes site.
https://cosa-ottawa.ca/
Family dynamics, for better or worse, are inevitably magnified in times of lockdown. In past weeks, some of my donations have been directed to shelters for women fleeing intimate partner violence. And sadly, there will always be a need for such facilities. I have very little confidence that someone like Basil Borutski, Russell Williams or Paul Bernardo can be rehabilitated: where there's no will on the part of the perpetrator, there's no way. Still, if we simply lock these people up and throw away the key, we are not solving the problem. Rather, we are putting out the immediate fire without doing anything that is future-oriented, like fireproofing and practising sensible fire prevention procedures.
Moreover, it raises the question of why it's the innocent victims whose lives should be disrupted. Why should they have to leave the family home, go on social assistance, move to a new neighbourhood, send the kids to a new school and abandon or re-home their pets? Would it not be far better for both perpetrator and victim, as well as for society as a whole, if the abusive partner could learn to live his life and make decisions and choices that do not involve violence?
Four years ago, the film A Better Man was released:
https://abettermanfilm.com/
In it, filmmaker Attiya Khan revisits various locations in Ottawa with Steve, her former partner. The idea behind the project is that if Steve is willing to revisit scenes of his past violence and own up to his behaviour, he will take the first step towards becoming a better man and both of them, though separately, can more easily get on with their lives.
Did it work? Maybe.
If nothing else, the film was widely distributed and sparked some important conversations around the intractable social problem of male violence. There were some high-profile people like Sarah Polley involved in the project. I think it probably convinced many folk that new approaches are needed.
And yet. "Steve" remains anonymous, unless you happen to have encountered him. Attiya STILL celebrates anniversaries of being free of him. I really would have liked to know a little more about what each of them is doing now and what impact the experience all those years ago is having on their day-to-day lives today. And what of their children? Are they being raised in a nonsexist, nonviolent environment but still being sensitized to the problem in an age-appropriate way?
I've read a few reviews of the film and rather liked this one from the New Yorker:
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/after-abuse-the-possibility-of-a-better-man
There are others, some of which you can find on the Rotten Tomatoes site.
