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Of paternity and modernity
Jun. 16th, 2013 03:09 pmWhether you call your father Dad, Papa, John or Joan, today is a today to celebrate fathers and fatherhood.
Much is made these days of the "new" fatherhood. Today's fathers are said to be more involved in their children's lives, more hands-on, though not in the sense of corporal punishment and the threat of "Wait 'til your father gets home!" Certainly, paid paternity leaves make it easier for fathers to participate in the care of their infant, toddler and preschool-aged children. But personally, I think there have always been positive - and yes, even NURTURING - fatherly role models and ideals out there.
My mother once told me about how on her sixth birthday, she said to her father "Since I'm six today, could I have sixpence instead of a present?" He apparently roared with laughter and then replied, "Oh yes, you can have sixpence instead of a present!" And he reached into his pocket and pulled out a sixpence for her. This was a man who worked very hard and was out of the house for long hours - apparently even on his "half-day" Saturday, he didn't get off work until about 3 PM - yet it seems he still managed to sustain some sort of positive relationship with his six daughters.
My father was the sole breadwinner of the family when I was growing up but there again, he made a point of spending time with his kids when he could. When I was little, he seemed to have an inexhaustable supply of patience for reading me stories and participating in the silly little games I thought up. Or for taking me places, no doubt in large part to give my mother a break from me: the library, Hog's Back, Mooney's Bay, Lac Philippe, and the museum, to name just the ones that stand out in my mind. When I went to the Experimental Farm with both parents, it was usually Dad who took me to the Arboretum to toss a ball back and forth or showed me how to read the sundial while my mother got a bit of time to herself to explore the flower gardens at her leisure.
Television and the movies, of course, had some influence in perpetuating a certain image of fatherhood when I was growing up - shows like Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, and My Three Sons. Fred MacMurray and Brian Keith played fatherly roles in both TV shows and movies. A generation or so later, I guess it would be someone like Dustin Hoffman in Kramer vs. Kramer, a decade or two after he'd finished consorting with Mrs. Robinson. To be sure, there were also the images of distant fathers and stern disciplinarians - for example, Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins, or Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music - but they always struck me as representing a rather half-hearted authoritarianism which inevitably evaporated by the end of the movie! Nowadays, adoption of children by single men and gay male couples is widely accepted in Canadian society.
Obviously there are still some "deadbeat dads" and fathers who are absent or downright abusive. As there have been throughout history. As gender roles (and indeed gender itself) blur, is it becoming easier or harder to be a good father?
Perhaps I'll tackle that question next Fathers' Day!
Much is made these days of the "new" fatherhood. Today's fathers are said to be more involved in their children's lives, more hands-on, though not in the sense of corporal punishment and the threat of "Wait 'til your father gets home!" Certainly, paid paternity leaves make it easier for fathers to participate in the care of their infant, toddler and preschool-aged children. But personally, I think there have always been positive - and yes, even NURTURING - fatherly role models and ideals out there.
My mother once told me about how on her sixth birthday, she said to her father "Since I'm six today, could I have sixpence instead of a present?" He apparently roared with laughter and then replied, "Oh yes, you can have sixpence instead of a present!" And he reached into his pocket and pulled out a sixpence for her. This was a man who worked very hard and was out of the house for long hours - apparently even on his "half-day" Saturday, he didn't get off work until about 3 PM - yet it seems he still managed to sustain some sort of positive relationship with his six daughters.
My father was the sole breadwinner of the family when I was growing up but there again, he made a point of spending time with his kids when he could. When I was little, he seemed to have an inexhaustable supply of patience for reading me stories and participating in the silly little games I thought up. Or for taking me places, no doubt in large part to give my mother a break from me: the library, Hog's Back, Mooney's Bay, Lac Philippe, and the museum, to name just the ones that stand out in my mind. When I went to the Experimental Farm with both parents, it was usually Dad who took me to the Arboretum to toss a ball back and forth or showed me how to read the sundial while my mother got a bit of time to herself to explore the flower gardens at her leisure.
Television and the movies, of course, had some influence in perpetuating a certain image of fatherhood when I was growing up - shows like Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, and My Three Sons. Fred MacMurray and Brian Keith played fatherly roles in both TV shows and movies. A generation or so later, I guess it would be someone like Dustin Hoffman in Kramer vs. Kramer, a decade or two after he'd finished consorting with Mrs. Robinson. To be sure, there were also the images of distant fathers and stern disciplinarians - for example, Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins, or Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music - but they always struck me as representing a rather half-hearted authoritarianism which inevitably evaporated by the end of the movie! Nowadays, adoption of children by single men and gay male couples is widely accepted in Canadian society.
Obviously there are still some "deadbeat dads" and fathers who are absent or downright abusive. As there have been throughout history. As gender roles (and indeed gender itself) blur, is it becoming easier or harder to be a good father?
Perhaps I'll tackle that question next Fathers' Day!
